经典口误 笑死人不偿命
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><SPAN style="COLOR: #0000ff; BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc"><STRONG>1<SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ccffcc">.在食堂排队,听见旁边一男生说.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>师傅,来碗<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">‘</SPAN>子弹菜花<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">’</SPAN>汤!<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN>(紫菜蛋花汤)哈哈,笑得我喷汤了。</SPAN> </STRONG></SPAN></DIV><P><SPAN style="COLOR: #0000ff; BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffff00"></P>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">2.某日在米线店吃饭上得很慢很饿。终于按耐不住拍桌咆哮之,本来是想说再不上米线我就把桌子掀了!<BR>结果说成:"老板!!!!再不上米线我就把桌子吃了!!!!"<BR>全店沉默3秒后爆笑到桌子下面<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">……</SPAN>丢人<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">……</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">3.我有次去买羊肉串伸出4个手指对老板说<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>来3根羊肉串<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN> <BR>老板蒙了<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>几根?<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN> <BR>我又伸出3个手指说<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>4根<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”……</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">4.我们的总经理姓周,一次他打电话来,我正开车,一紧张张口就说."周总理<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">……</SPAN>"</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">5.本人姓朱,管理单位机房。有次有人打我手机.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>鸡科长,你在猪房吗?<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN>当时狂骂那家伙一顿</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">6.单位祝词,一位领导说.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>祝大家身体愉快<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">……”</SPAN>憋住,没词了。<BR>7.爸妈吵架,我爸气的说了句.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>我给你滚出去</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">8.高中的时候打篮球,A得球后,无私的传给了B,B轻松进球.过了一会,B得球,A大声喊着把球传给他.B却自己把球投出.结果A大怒喊到."刚才真是瞎了我的狗眼"<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">……</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">10.印象里小学时的班长极其严肃,一次自习课,教室里人声鼎沸,班长维护了几次秩序之后终于忍无可忍,站起来一拍桌子怒吼道:谁再吵,把他嘴打断!!!<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">……</SPAN>全班肃静</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">11.刚上大学,军训,连长不知道是哪里的口音,喊口令<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">——“</SPAN>向左钻!<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”“</SPAN>向右钻!<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">13.昨一同事问我。节日的节怎么写?我回答.草字头下面加一个节日的节去掉草字头!全体人员爆笑!我还一时没有反应过来!</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">14.中午做饭,妈妈给我一盆胡萝卜.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>去,把胡萝卜切成肉丁!<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">15.当年找工作时,主考官问我哪年毕业的。我本来是要说2000年的,结果一激动说.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>两千年前<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">……”</SPAN>更瀑布汗的是,主考官竟然噢了一声,说.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>孔子的学生吧。<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">17.物理老师讲波.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>这是一根粗弹簧,我从两端推它,看,它是不是变密(便秘)了?<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">18.和领导等众人喝酒,举起酒杯大声道:"让我们同归于尽吧!"当时脑子太热了......</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">19.老板,有没有手纸充饥卡?</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">21.一次去市场买菜,准备聚餐,一个韩国朋友买了生菜,要2块4,他把身上所有的零钱都给了小贩,还缺一毛钱,所以他对小贩说--<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>我的毛,都给你了,所以没有毛了。<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN>小贩哑然,半天,回答--<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>你的毛我不要了。<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">22.经理开会一般对抽烟的说.抽烟的都掐死!!</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">24.某日中午,老妈让老哥把饭桌往边上挪一下。我哥半天不动窝,老妈一急就说成了这个样子."听见没有?!叫你把桌子往旁边挪二公里"</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">25.有一次帮老板订酒店,想问问人家有没有什么免费上网之类的服务,却怎么也想不出来怎么说好,于是就问对方:<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>请问,你们这里有什么特殊服务吗?<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>对方:<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>什么?特殊服务??我们是正规酒店!<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN> </SPAN></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">26.宿舍老四下床找了半天拖鞋,没有,问大家."为什么我的拖鞋哪里去了?"</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">27.逛街中,突然朋友惊呼.<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">“</SPAN>哇!<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">‘</SPAN>处女书店<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">’</SPAN>!<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">”</SPAN>我大惊,抬头一看,一块匾额,上书四个大字<SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Times">——</SPAN>外文书店!</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">28.大学时候,听见一个女生点菜."师傅,炒一盘酸辣土豆丝,不要放土豆!"<BR>29.刚上课10多分钟,我同桌就举手说.老师我想上厕所。<BR>英语老师很不高兴的说.都多大人了还上厕所?</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">30.工会主席一番慷慨激昂地演说之后,最后一句达到了高潮.同志们,让我们今年的工作做得比明年更好!全场皆倒。</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV>
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<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><BR><STRONG><SPAN style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ff99cc">31.和一帮朋友吃饭,其中一个人估计是被兄弟出卖了,郁闷的不行,闷头喝了不少啤酒,然后脸通红的站起来大吼一声"兄弟!不是出来卖的!"<BR>估计原来是想说兄弟不是用来出卖的,当时偶们一桌十几个人就全趴了</SPAN> </STRONG></DIV></SPAN></SPAN>
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