english jokes
EducationWhat a Woman Wants in a Man What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22)-----------------------------------1. Handsome2. Charming3. Financially Successful4. A Caring Listener5. Witty6. In Good Shape7. Dresses with Style8. Appreciates the Finer Things9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises10. An Imaginative, Romantic LoverWhat I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32)-----------------------------------1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head2. Opens car doors, holds chairs3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant4. Listens more than he talks5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease7. Owns at least one tie8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries10. Seeks romance at least once a weekWhat I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42)----------------------------------1. Not too ugly - bald head OK2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down10. Shaves on most weekendsWhat I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52)----------------------------------1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public3. Doesn't borrow money too often4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner9. Remembers your name on occasion10. Shaves on some weekendsWhat I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62)----------------------------------1. Doesn't scare small children2. Remembers where bathroom is3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)5. Doesn't forgets why he's laughing6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself7. Usually wears some clothes8. Likes soft foods9. Remembers where he left his teeth10. Remembers when...What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72)----------------------------------1. Breathing
a season passOn the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued: "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"
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